The Hangover Wizard Style
by Poppy P
Summary: Harry Potter's stag night! Join Ron, George and Percy for an unforgettable night of chaos, intrigue & tattoos. An homage to the movie, 'The Hangover', Harry Potter style. Rated for language, crude humor and dragon abuse j/K! .
1. Chapter 1

**The Hangover - Wizard Style**

**By Poppy P**

_**A/N: I don't know what possessed me to do this. Wait, yes I do - I love Harry Potter and I can't resist The Hangover (even though it's crude, rude and probably sexist). Anyway, the characters aren't mine, the plot isn't mine so don't sue me! Also, you may recognize several lines as coming directly from the movie. This hasn't been beta-ed or Brit-picked so if you see any glaring errors, please let me know and I will correct them**._

* * *

Ginny Weasley paced the kitchen at the Burrow, wearing a white wedding gown and a crown of flowers in her red hair. Her parents and several of her bridesmaids watched helplessly as she walked to and fro, muttering darkly.

"Ginny, Dear," said Molly Weasley gently, "you're going to wear yourself out before the wedding even starts. Why don't you have a seat?"

Ginny frowned at her mother. "They're late. They should have been here hours ago. They should be getting ready!" Her voice rose with each sentence.

Arthur Weasley affected a soothing tone. "Ginny they're wizards, not witches. They don't need hours to get ready. They're probably just tired from the stag night. I'm sure they're just having a bit of lie in. They're probab-"

Arthur stopped abruptly as the kitchen fire burst into green flames. Ginny dashed to her knees in front of the fire completely unmindful of her wedding gown.

"Mon Dieu!" exclaimed Fleur Weasley smoothing down her own ivory coloured gown before kneeling gracefully besides Ginny.

Angelina Weasley kneeled down on carefully on Ginny's other side. Her advanced state of pregnancy made her much slower than usual.

"Harry? Harry?" Ginny asked frantically before her brother George's head came into view. "George! Where the hell are you? The wedding's a few hours away! Where's Harry?"

Ginny blanched as her brother shook his head sadly. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice rising with panic. "Where. Is. Harry!" she demanded shrilly.

"Sis," said George heavily, "We fucked it up."

"What do you mean?" asked Ginny, eyes narrowed.

"We lost Harry," said George heavily. "We can't find him and I am so sorry."

Molly and Arthur Weasley rushed forward to help Fleur and Angelina restrain Ginny as she drew her wand and pointed it at her brother's head. "What do you mean 'we can't find him'?" she shrieked, struggling against her parents' and her sisters-in-law's restraining arms. "We're to be married this evening!"

George shook his head again. "Yeah, that's probably not going to happen..."

* * *

_**Two days earlier...**_

"This is a lovely colour, Harry," said Percy, admiring the shiny green material of the robes that Madam Malkin was fitting him with.

"All Ginny's idea," said Harry. Having already been fitted, he was sprawled across one of the many cushioned armchairs scattered around Madam Malkin's shop. "She said some toss about it matching my eyes or something." He smiled sheepishly.

"Come now," said Percy bracingly. "Aren't you happy you're finally going to be married?"

"Of course," said Harry, "But this wedding business has been pain in the arse. You know we had to put anti-press charms all over the," he gave Madam Malkin a half glance, "wedding locale?"

"Really?" asked Percy, lifting his right arm so that Madam Malkin could continue with the fitting.

"Yes," said Harry tiredly, "Rita Skeeter's been ferreting around asking about the wedding location for months. She even gate crashed Ginny's farewell party with the Harpies."

"You're joking!" said Percy.

"Not at all," said Harry with a grin. "From what I understand, Rita's very lucky Ginny's team-mates intervened or she would've been on the receiving end of a Bat-Bogey Hex."

"She's quite lucky!" said Percy, having witnessed Ginny casting the said hex on their brother Fred in their younger days. "Although considering that they're going to be colleagues at the _Prophet _now_, _it's probably for the best_."_

Madam Malkin stood back to appraise the results of her tailoring. "There you are, Dear." She turned towards Harry, "Let me just take these and ring them up with the others. I'll package them nicely with an Anti-Wrinkle charm."

"Thank you," said Harry.

Percy watched Madam Malkin walk out of the room before turning to Harry. "Is everything set for tonight then?"

Harry nodded. "I told them all I wanted for my stag party was a nice, quiet, drink at the Leaky, dinner and perhaps a Quidditch match, nothing more."

Percy checked to make sure Madam Malkin was still out of earshot. "Harry, I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you for having me in your wedding party and for inviting me to your stag night."

"What are you talking about?" asked Harry, perplexed. "You're family!"

"Well, you know," he muttered, ears reddening, "how I acted at your trial, and my time with the ministry, and when I asked Ron to stop being your friend..."

"All in the past," said Harry with a wave of his hand.

Percy came up close to Harry who took a wary step back. "I just really wanted you to know how much this means to me, Harry." He suddenly grabbed Harry in a bone crushing hug.

Harry struggled against Percy who seemed intent on not letting go, so he settled for patting him on the back. "Blimey Perce, there's no need to get all emotional. You're just like a brother to me and I respect you just like all your brothers do."

"Oi Percy you great poof! Let go of Harry before we go tell our sister you're trying to steal her man!"

Percy released Harry as George entered the shop followed closely by Ron.

"Who's ready to get rat arsed?" asked George stepping in between Harry and Percy and clapping an arm around each of them. "I heard they opened a new pub down Knockturn Alley that has some very pretty and talented ladies."

"No George," said Harry sternly, "I already told you lot I just want something simple. A few drinks, dinner. No weird, new pub and definitely no ladies, talented or otherwise."

"Aw come on Harry!" wheedled Ron. "Last fling and all, let's have some fun. Besides, it'll be my turn in a couple of months so we have to set the standard with your stag party."

"Like my beautiful, understanding wife Angie says, 'there's no harm in looking'," said George wiggling his eyebrows.

"Dinner and drinks at the Leaky Cauldron," said Harry firmly. "Besides, why would I even need to look at other girls when I have Ginny?"

Ron pretended to vomit. George shook his head sadly, "Are you going for a new title? The Boy Who Was Cu-"

"Oi!" said Ron indignantly. "That's our sister you're talking about, George!"

Percy bristled. "Harry's got it right. When you have the perfect woman, why would you need to look elsewhere? Penny and I..."

"Do not bring that woman up tonight, Percy," hissed Ron, "we're trying to have a good time."

"What's wrong with Penny? Why don't you like her?" asked Percy, sadly.

"Well let's see," said George, pretending to count on his fingers, "Number one, she's a bitch. Number two, she's full of herself. Number three, she's a bitch. Number four, she beats you. And number five, oh yeah, she's a bitch!"

"She does not beat me, George," said Percy with dignity. "She just tapped me lightly on the head that one time I forgot to take my hair strengthening potion. What?" he asked as his brothers scoffed.

"I was there," said Ron, "I saw her slap you over the head and I heard her screech, 'Percy, don't forget your potion you idiot! What? Do you want a great, shiny, bald patch like your father?'"

Percy blushed furiously, but turned to Harry, "She's strong-willed. Harry understands about strong-willed women, don't you, Harry?"

"Er..." said Harry.

"Um, hello?" said Ron, "Have you met Hermione?"

"And Angelina's not exactly a shrinking violet is she?" said George.

"Why don't we head on over to the Leaky then?" asked Harry as Madam Malkin came back with their packages. Harry handed her several gold coins and they started out.

Ron, Harry, Percy and George were in a private parlour at the Leaky Cauldron. Hannah Abbot had brought out a bottle of the finest Firewhiskey available. George promptly poured out a glass for all of them. "To Harry," he murmured, holding his glass aloft, "tomorrow will make it official of course, but the truth is, you've been our brother for years."

"To Harry," echoed Ron, bringing the cup to his lips along with George and Harry but before anyone could take a sip, Percy interrupted.

"I have something to say," said Percy, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a roll of parchment. "I wrote it down." Percy unfurled the parchment and held it before him. It was so long, it almost reached his knees.

"Aw not a bloody speech, Percy," said Ron.

Percy cleared his throat, ignoring Ron. "Just a few thoughts I wanted to share. Harry," he said, reading from the parchment, "Lovely night, isn't it? Well, I just wanted to say that I've always considered myself a lone dragon in a weyr of dragons. Our weyr being the Burrow, of course."

George rolled his eyes.

Harry squirmed in embarrassment, but Percy continued. "I always felt I was a lone dragon. Bill and Charlie were really close and Fred and George were even closer. Ron was too little and Ginny couldn't really be a part of it either being a girl and all. Dragons aren't very ladylike are they?"

"Neither is Ginny!" said Ron, ducking as Harry aimed a slap at the back of his head.

"Just get on with it Perce!" said George, tapping his foot.

"I'm getting there, just wait," said Percy, returning to his scroll of parchment. "Then the war happened and I found out that I wasn't a lone dragon after all because I was lucky to be a part of the Weasley weyr of dragons. And while I was off being an arrogant berk, Harry was already one of those dragons. I couldn't have asked for a better dragon for my sister." Percy paused, wiping his eyes under his glasses.

"Wow," said Harry, "thanks Perce. That was...er...nice."

"Thank God it's over!" exclaimed Ron, raising the glass to his lips.

"I'm not done yet, Ron!" said Percy, returning to his parchment. "And so young Harry, I am proud to have you standing beside me, a fellow dragon." He raised his glass high. "To Harry."

"To Harry," said George and Ron quickly, gulping their drink before Percy could start up again.

Harry also took a drink. "Thanks," he said, dragging his sleeve across his mouth.

"Damn!" said George, draining his glass. "I need another one just to get the sound of Percy's droning out of my ear." He reached for the bottle and began refilling everyone's glasses.

"At least you only have one ear," muttered Ron darkly.

"One more toast," said George, holding up his second glass. "To an unforgettable night!"

The four men tipped their head backs and gulped their drinks down. They were totally unaware of the shadowed figure in the corner aiming a wand at them. The pink streak of light struck their glasses just as they were drinking their Firewhiskey.

**To be continued..**.

_A/N2: I looked up the word for a group of dragons and three words came up: weyr, flight and wing. I thought weyr fit best for the purpose of this story since the definition was a place where dragons live. If I'm wrong, please drop me a line and let me know because I really struggled with that. _

_It's my birthday and I'm unbelievably old so why not click on the review button to make me feel better? _


	2. Chapter 2

**The Hangover: Wizard Style**

**By Poppy P**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Upon regaining consciousness, Ron Weasley was aware of three things in quick succession: 1) he was lying on the cold, stone floor in a pool of his own drool and had a pounding headache, 2) There was a sharp, stinging pain on his right buttock and he wasn't wearing anything from the waist down, and 3) He had to pee really bad.

Figuring that his third predicament was the easiest to remedy, he shoved himself up from the floor and stumbled to the loo. As he neared the toilet, the pounding in his head became even more pronounced and he wondered vaguely if he should ignore the need to pee, and vomit instead. The need to pee won out. He sighed with relief as he released his bladder with a loud, hissing stream. Just then, he heard another noise. He turned his head and spotted a very small dragon asleep on the floor of the loo. The noise he had heard was the slight, growling snores of the dragon accompanied by a small shower of sparks every time it exhaled.

"D-d-dragon..." whispered Ron, horrified. He backed away from the toilet, barely registering that he had splashed his feet. He ran out of the bathroom and slammed the door. "Bloody hell! There's a dragon in the loo!" he announced to the room at large.

From opposite corners of the room came the sounds of groans and muttering. "What's wrong, Ron?" asked Percy, rubbing his eyes.

"What are you whinging about?" asked George, sitting up from a mattress on the floor. "Oi, bro, how about putting some pants on, eh?"

"D-d-dragon," stammered Ron, pointing a shaking hand towards the bathroom.

"Why would there be a dragon in the loo, Ron?" asked Percy, feeling about the floor for his glasses.

George dragged himself off the ground. "I'll go check. It's probably just a spider or something. You know Ron..." He opened the door of the loo and looked in. They heard a roar and saw a shower of sparks fly at the doorway. George slammed the door shut. "Fuck me, he was telling the truth. There's a baby dragon in there! A horntail by the looks of it."

"I told you so!" said Ron, indignant, hands on his hips.

"Pants, Ron," said George harshly. "Don't make me ask again."

"Oh yeah, pants," said Ron, looking down at himself. He spotted his pants and bent over to retrieve them only to jump up when George burst out laughing.

"What the fuck is on your bum?" gasped George.

Ron ran a hand gingerly over his right buttocks. "I dunno, but it hurts like hell." He backed up towards George. "What is it?"

"Get your arse out of my face!" shouted George giving him a push that almost sent him sprawling.

"Perce, you have a look then," said Ron, turning his bum towards his older brother.

"I can't find my glasse-" Percy trailed off with a gasp. "My glasses!" he shouted, holding them up. His wand was lodged through the left lens.

"What the hell happened last night?" asked George hoarsely. "I can't remember anything. How about you lot?" He looked around the room appraisingly. "Merlin! Would you look at this place?"

The three brothers surveyed the room, muttering various oaths and curses. There was rubbish strewn all over the room. Curtains were hanging off their rods. There was a singed cushion on one of the chairs, still smoking. All of the mattresses were pulled off their frames and tossed in various places around the floor.

"A puffskein," said Percy suddenly, slipping on his glasses having tapped them with his wand and repaired them.

"Come again?" asked Ron.

There's a purple puffskein tattooed on your arse," said Percy, "although why you would put one there, I have no idea."

"Say, isn't that Arnold?" asked George. "It is! It looks just like the pygmy puff Ginny got from the shop."

Ron clapped a hand over his cheek and immediately regretted it. "Ouch!" he cried. "Effing Harry! This had to be his idea." He started to pull his pants over his bum, but stopped abruptly. He turned towards George. "Do you think you can take it off?"

George shook his head. "Not me. I'm still so bloody pissed, I just might hex your whole arse off."

"Percy?" asked Ron, pathetically.

"Come here," grumbled Percy. He pointed his wand at Ron's behind and muttered a quick incantation. "It's not working," he said after a few minutes.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron in a panicked voice.

"Someone's put a _Permanente _charm on it," said Percy, withdrawing his wand. "It's not going anywhere. You hear that though?"

The three of them listened intently for several seconds.

"Blimey!" exclaimed Percy, "It's humming just like a real puffskein."

"Bloody hell!" said Ron, over his brothers' chortles.

"That's quality work that," said George admiringly. He lifted his sleeve up over his left bicep where he had a large, fancy 'F' tattooed surrounded by fireworks that constantly snapped and sparkled on his arm. "There's only one person that I know who does work that good, Dean Thomas."

Ron's brow furrowed. "But I don't remember visiting Dean's last night at all."

"Nor do I," said Percy.

"Damn!" said Ron, gingerly sliding his pants up. "If Harry weren't marrying our sister tonight, I'd kill him!" Ron glanced around the room. "Where is he anyway?"

"He's probably downstairs having breakfast," said George dismissively. "What time is it?"

"I don't know," said Percy, "but if I don't owl Penny soon, she's likely to send a howler."

"Keeps you on a short leash, she does," muttered Ron.

George shook his head sadly. "Why do you let her treat you like that, Perce?"

"You know why," said Percy, his ears colouring as he looked around for a piece of parchment. "Dating options were thin on the ground after the war. She took me back. It was more than I deserved."

"And how many times has she cheated on you since you got back together?" asked George.

"It was one time!" insisted Percy without looking up from the note he was scribbling.

"With Stan bloody Shunpike," said Ron with a look of revulsion, "On the Knight Bus."

"It was my fault," said Percy, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "I was working too hard and neglecting her. Besides, they didn't even...you know...finish."

George snorted. "Only because Madam Marsh honked on them. Penny's a total bitch!"

"Can we drop this?" asked Percy, folding up his note. "Let's just go downstairs so I can find an owl."

The three brothers started to dress hastily. "What the -" George was staring at Percy's attire. "Why are you wearing a St. Mungo's gown?"

"You were in St. Mungo's?" asked Ron, concerned. "Are you feeling all right?"

"How would I know?" asked Percy, his voice rising with panic, "I can't remember anything about last night, can you?"

"Well...no, nothing," admitted Ron. "I have a bad feeling about this." Ron frowned. "Harry's not here, there's a puffskein permanently tattooed to my arse, Percy was in the hospital last night and there's a bloody dragon in the loo!" Ron was breathless by the time he finished.

"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist," said George, pulling on a jumper, "I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for everything. Let's just go find Harry an-" he stopped abruptly as a loud, grating, beeping noise was heard.

"What was that?" asked Ron looking around wildly. "It's coming from behind Percy."

"Oh my God!" said Percy, panicked. "What did I have tattooed on my bum? Penny's going to kill me. She hates tattoos!" He turned his back towards his brothers, preparing to drop his trousers.

"No, Perce, keep your pants on," said George, "It's coming from your pocket."

"What is it?" asked Percy in an unnaturally high voice.

"Pull it out, Ron," commanded George.

"Not me," said Ron, wide-eyed.

"Don't be such a Nancy!" said George, shoving his hand in Percy's back pocket. "It's one of those Muggle fellytones."

"Telephone," Ron corrected him. "That's a mobile telephone. Hermione's parents have one of those. Why are you carrying one, Percy?"

"I have no idea," said Percy faintly. "How in the world did that get in my pocket? Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Did we interact with Muggles last night? We're going to go to Azkaban for sure!"

"As pissed as we were, we surely broke the decree on the restriction of magic in front of Muggles last night. That's an Azkaban sentence for sure!" said Ron.

"Nobodies going to Azkaban, you numpties!" said George. "We have connections throughout the Ministry. Our father works for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office. Do you think he's going to send us to Azkaban?"

"What should we do with this then?" asked Ron, indicating the mobile phone.

George walked towards the door. "Perhaps it's Harry's. Let's just take it with us and go down to..." his words died out as he caught sight of something on the bureau. "Ron, isn't this Harry's wand?" He held it out for Ron to see.

Ron examined it. "Yeah, that's his." He looked up at his brothers, eyes crinkled with worry. "Harry never goes anywhere without his wand." George and Percy were well aware of the fact that even though the war was almost five years behind them, it wasn't a prudent thing to go about without a wand. Especially for someone like Harry. "This can't be good." said Ron.

_**To be continued... **_

* * *

_**A/N: Tough crowd. I didn't get a single review for the first chapter (even though I played the b-day card!). I know there are a few of you reading. A review would be much appreciated. Honestly, I write because I enjoy it and I love manipulating Harry Potter characters. However, feedback is always good and much appreciated. I've already written three more chapters of this and well, I think they're funny, but it's hard to feel inspired to write more without feedback. Heck, even if you hate it, let me know why. So click on that little button down there please. And for those who have put this on alert or favorites, thank you. **_


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